Friday, September 14, 2012

Can't Sleep!

Herro there.

It has been yet again, a few months since I have written. I am currently posting this on the Blogger app for the iPhone because I currently am without a computer! My cheapie little laptop that I purchased on a black Friday sale officially died on me about a month ago. So it's definitely been interesting trying to see how I function without one and while I suppose I don't necessarily NEED a computer to some people's standards, I NEED A COMPUTER AND MUST GET ONE SOON! So when I tackle a few more bills of mine I will definitely be saving for a new bad boy :)

Lately I have been able to do a lot of reflecting. Reflecting you ask? Yes. I have been reevaluating decisions, relationships, situations etc that I have encountered within the past year or so and I have to say I am quite proud of the woman I am becoming. Sometimes it's hard turning someone down to hangout or saying no in general and I struggle with that a lot. I feel guilty for saying no or I sometimes seem to think its easier to just give in than stand up for what I truly want to do. But all in all, I have grown so much this past year. To be more specific, I have been much better at decision making when it comes to guys. I'm not just talking about relationships but with friendships as well. I've changed a bit over the years, it's kinda gone in a wave motion for me. When I first started college I was determined, focused and I knew what I wanted in life. Then that all changed and then my decisions completely relied on the person I was in a relationship with. Everything seemed to be based off of what he would want me to do, not what I wanted. And during this stage in my life, I wanted to be accepted and loved. Ya ya, I know we all ultimately want this as human beings, but I wanted it in an unhealthy way. I completely lost myself, I lost my confidence and my voice. Now, years later and a few different relationships later, I feel like I've gotten back to a great place. I don't let guys push me around or intimidate me, I stuck up for myself and most importantly, I'm making smart and great decisions. As humans we get tempted and trust me I think we all struggle with our own inner demons or whatever you want to call them. I can just see my future so much more vividly and I shouldn't have to sacrifice my own standards for a temporary good thing. I want the best in life and if that's what you want in life, I believe you have to put your best self out there as well. I deserve for once a respectful, intelligent, funny, and handsome gentlemen. Dorky as that sounds, it's true! And I know I've been rambling about men in the relationship sense but sometimes guy friends can be so disrespectful as well. It's all about having boundaries and setting things straight before things get out of hand. I had a friend and he was thinking he was the funniest thing in the world. In reality, he was being very hurtful and inconsiderate. I told him that if he couldn't treat me with the utmost respect that I didn't want to be friends. It was hard saying that because I don't know what person would truly want to say something like that but we all need to remember that you should put yourself first. Defend yourself! You're worth it!

Sorry if that was a random tangent. My excuse is that it's 2:30am while I'm typing this on my phone lol But seriously, no person is worth being in your life if they mistreat you in any way.

Anyways, this is a random as hell post. I will leave you with a random picture too! Haha

Goodnight loves!

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